The Diaries Of A Sound Ninja
by Etheral-moment
Summary: Rated for Dosu's potty mouth. Dosu loves Zaku,Zaku loves Dosu.Kin,well she gets in the way. OOC-ness from everyone. pairings are random as this fic. I update quick! slight yaoi. R&R! DosuxZaku,Oro-chanXKabuto,KinX?


Hello! I am KaibasShadowGirl and I am doing a terrible fanfic me and my friend made up on Msn. I was Zaku and she was Dosu and Kin. And the other characters are played by both me and her. K? Oh! And my assistant, Seto Kaiba-sama(who else?), will read the disclaimer. Won't you Kaiba-Kun? This has been written in **script** so if you don't like that please email me and if I get enough of ranting ppl votes I change this to text.

**Kaiba:** You scare me, you know that? Anyhow, she does not own… hey this isn't even a Yugioh! Fic! ice glare at me

**Me:** cough Well, I happen to be set to Naruto-mode right now and not even the sight of Bakura will change my mind.

**Kaiba:** ... right

**Disclaimer:** KaibasShadowGirl does not own Naruto , Pinkie and the Brain Austin Powers or any of there characters, Neither does Fullmetal-Girl. Ok I'm done. I have to get back to counting my money and yelling at Isis for forcing me to watch a magic show. eye twitches It was stupid I could clearly see the mans hand slip up his sleeve!

**Me:** ...Look at Fullmetal-Girl's art. She's awesome. Again I'm sorry for stealing your theory which apparently you stole as well…hehe. Small world isn't it?

**Credit to my friend Fullmetal-Girl and Hyper RiceBall for inspiring me to love the sound-nins so much -hands FMG Sasuke cookie and hands HRB a … sound-nin of her choice cookie-(gomen I don't know who you like) **

(...) : Thinking or author notes but I think your smart enough to figure which is which.

-..-Actions...

**P.S.: When reading and you see them say b/b it mean baka/bitch… k?**

**Enjoy the annoyingly random fic! Look out for extreme ooc-ness except from Orochimaru, he's still perverted. READ And Review! Constructive Criticism is welcomed; I don't really care for flames. I use them to feed my pet Blue Eyes White Dragon and the more he eats the more lightning he makes.**

**The Diaries of a Sound Ninja**

Today we find our hero, in this case it being Dosu, sitting in the hall of the sound-nins (Orochimaru's temple place) being incredibly bored.

**Dosu:** …I'm bored.

**Zaku:** -Pops up out of nowhere- Hi-snuggles Dosu-

**Dosu:** Eeerrgg not again why do you always hug me ZAKU-Dosu pushes off Zaku who is attached to him like a plunger-

**Zaku:** ... I dunno your like a fridge.

**Dosu:** Oo (face but… he shows only 1 eye)

**Zaku:** And I'm a magnet. o

**Dosu:** (yes we're both attracted to each other – blush-) WHAT! HELL NO! DO I LOOK LIKE A Fuckin' Fridge?

**Zaku:** Sometimes…-tears up- you mean -like Dori from finding Nemo-... y-you don't like me-starts crying and whimpering-

**Dosu:** What the fuck is wrong with you? Every time I say something you start crying like a B/B

**Zaku:** .. I don't know... I just feel so... emotional. -huggles Dosu/again- ... Its just that I think I love...

**Dosu:** -eyes widen- you what?

**Zaku:** -whispers in French-... Tu.

**Dosu:** Who's Tu? You found another friend, where is that fucker I'll kick his ass

**Zaku:** I love ...:... shall I say it Dosu-kun?

**Dosu: **HUH?

(A/N: Dosu only knows 3 languages English, Japanese and bandaged wrapped freak )

**Zaku: **do you want me to tell you who I love-snuggles Dosu/...again- Try and guess

**Dosu:** -leans in closer to hear the answer clearly and sighs- fine.

**Zaku:**-smiles- I love...

**Dosu:** yes... you love who?

**Zaku:** You Dosu-kun!

**Dosu:** ME?

**Zaku:** -huggles- Hai….-looks sheepish and blush's- you must hate me now...

**Dosu:** Actuall-

-high pitched squeal- YYYUUUUUUUUUUUUU Dosu my little mummy where are you

**Zaku: **... -tries to run away from Dosu- but fails miserably- eep.

**Dosu:** (damn that helium head ruined my romantic moment -sigh- now can never confess to my true love) crap Kin found me

**Dosu:** -runs behind a tree in an attempt to hide from the longhaired helium voiced freak-

**Zaku:** -also tries to hide from every one by putting a paper bag over his face and sniffles-

**Kin:** -looks at him like he was creeping her out. Looks around like a baka trying to spot Dosu-

Dosu oh Dosu where are you my lover-Kin unties her hair once again which she uses to store all her things that's why it's so damn long and pulls out a blood hound she trained to pick up Dosu's scent. Well actually, embalming fluid from his bandages.-

**Zaku:**-stares and then get that fire in his eyes /like Lee/ which evidentially burnt the paper bag- No one will steal 'my' Dosu from me! Not when Kin is on the loose anyway!

**Kin: **-ignores his comment and continues with her search for Dosu. She walks around or second with the dog. Then suddenly the dog stops and faints-

It turns out that Dosu had thrown one of his socks to distract the dog but it ended up killing the poor thing since had had really really bad B.O. That's because he never takes off those dumb ass bandages.

**Zaku:** No body listens to me TT.

Kabuto suddenly pops up out of nowhere and plays with his glasses snickers at the dog and looks at Zaku

**Kabuto:** That's because your voice is too quiet when it comes to Kin's banshee mating cry ... -disappears again-

**Everyone: **Oo right...

**Zaku:** I'll pretend not to have seen nor heard that.

**Kin:** Dosu-wosu! I want your bod! Come here or I tell Zaku what you say every night before you go to bed.

**Dosu:** -jumps onto to Kin and stuffs his other sock in her mouth-SHUT UP!

**Zaku:** - eats a pixie stick- What do you say every night?

**Dosu: **I say ,God please make sure that there is always pain and suffering in this world and send me money so I can restore Zaku's Brain cells. oops… I forgot you were always like this

**Zaku:** ... -tears up and huggles Dosu- aww! You're so generous! To let there be pain in the world! I don't understand by what you mean for the other one but you're so cool-looks all inspired-

Dosu-sarcastically- yes... epiphany.

While the conversation continues Dosu notices the sound of chewing coming from Kin

**Dosu: **EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW you...you ...you disgust me

You... You're chewing my sock. Man even I'm afraid of my socks now.

**Zaku:**-hides behind Dosu- I think I just saw the sock burp.

**Everyone:** -looks at Zaku- ...

**Dosu:** No that's just your over dose of sugar

**Kabuto:** -Kabuto returns just to whack Zaku for his stupid comment but I guess he forgot he was still allergic to children- IT BURNS -then kabuto returns to his job as Orochimaru's Official back scrubber-

Kin continues to chew then the sound of a gulp and a extremely large burp breaks the silence

**Dosu: **O0 -looks at Zaku-

**Zaku:** Ow…-rubbing his head where he was smacked over-

**Dosu:** Why aren't you crying like normal?

**Zaku:** ... umm o ya. -tears up-

**Kin:** YUM YUM. That was so GOOOOD thanks or the token of affection my little Dosu-WOSU-high pitched squeal- YYUUUUU

(A/N: wow another new word for kin's dictionary (affection and token))

**Zaku:** ...ahem-continues to cry –waah-Hugs Dosu and tries to get him to hug him-

**Dosu:** what are you doing -pushes Zaku's face away from his-

**Zaku:** -cries again-

**Kin:** -takes out a jack hammer and separates the two- Stay away from my Dosu Y-You meanie!

**Zaku:** -cries even more- W-why doesn't anyone l-love me?

**Orochimaru:** -runs out of his shower (with a towel around his waist, thank god) after his "my uke needs me" sense was tingling. Still half naked Oro-chan runs to his under aged, oblivious lover, his jealous crush(Dosu) and hugged him(Zaku)- I LOVE YOU ZAKU-KUN

Everyone:... um

**Zaku:** Oo -cries hysterically-

**Orochimaru:** Hhmm? What's wrong?

Mean while: in Oro-chan's house Kabuto started to feel lonely

Kabuto: All I know is to scrub and now I have nothing to do T.T Oro-sama's done his bath.-twiddles thumbs-

**Zaku:** -tries to wiggle out of grip- Dosu-kun! I want my Dosu-kun! Dosu please save your uke-kun-hopeful eyes-

**Kin:** - stops choking Dosu with her hug of death and changes her target to Zaku and shakes her head in a sympathetic manner- Oh poor Zaku. Your love, loves me. I feel so sorry for you. Oh well you can have my daughter when me and Dosu get married and have children. Right, Dosu?

**Everyone (including Orochimaru):** ... –shudders- that's creepy.

**Zaku:** -looks at Dosu- is it... is it true?

Meanwhile: Kabuto is still feeling lonely until he found that he can pass the time by using his abnormal intellect to make clones of himself

**Kabuto:** Now I can scrub my own back :P… Although, I could have just used bunshin no-jutsu…

OO … lets leave Kabuto to himself (selves)

**Dosu:** What the! HELL NO! WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD MARRY A HELIUM HEAD LIKE YOU.

**Kin:** Aaaww thanks I love you too my little bandage face

**Zaku:** -sighs in relief-

Far, far away in Orochimaru's house

**Kabuto:** Scrub a dub dub… 3 clones in a tub. (A/N: Why does that 'dub' word remind me of 4 Kids!) -sings(the horror)- I'm scrubbing my own, back I'm scrubbing my own back hi ho de dario I'm ...

**Zaku: **... Dosu? Do you like Kin or are you just...

**Dosu:** What the hell are you thinking Zaku I only love you...I mean myself...I love myself…. (Man it's easier if I become a monk)

**Zaku:** ... huh? You love yourself?

**Dosu:** I don't mean love my self like how Orochimaru does. He loves himself a little too much. I mean I love my self as in ...oh forget it you won't understand

**Zaku: **-looks interested and grabs popcorn- N-no! Tell me ... Ill listen!

**Dosu:** -puts on Kabuto type glasses- Hummm... See Orochimaru loves himself as in perverted love and I love my self as in I don't love anyone yet. ( Shit...I didn't even get what I just said how is that idiot going to get it)

**Zaku:** -looks sad- oh...

**Dosu:** (yes ... yes the idiot's got it)

**Zaku:** -brightens up- Wait ! you just said "yet!"

**Dosu:** yeah so...

**Zaku:** And what do you mean perverted love- has little scientist in the back round sighing and smacking his fore head-

**Dosu:** I'll tell you when you're older

**Zaku:** .. Tell me what? Hee oh ya perverted love. You mean like when Junko and Meiko screw each other in Icha Icha Paradise?

**Dosu:** -wtf face- Oo you read it... -takes out a copy he carries and reads the rating to Zaku- Your too young to read it… see right here its rated R

(A/N:I remember their names I feel so proud-Coffs as Kakashi gives me 'the look'-)

**Zaku:** ... But I stole it from your pocket and read it! And your only 1 whole year older than me!(1)Hee-snuggles Dosu- Its an interesting book.

**Kin:** OOOHHH Dosu where you reading it for inspiration for OUR honey moon giggles

**Dosu: **Not even in your dreams Kin

**Zaku:** ... Huh? Inspiration? Inspiration for what, Dosu-kun?

**Zaku:** -snuggles the fluffy thing on his back-

**Kin:** I'll tell you- in mid word Dosu jumped on kin once again and stuffed another sock into her mouth but this time it was Orochimaru's sock- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH my tongue ...Must wash it ...aaaahhhhhhh...takes a near by rock and scrapes her tongue

**Zaku:** ..3 questions...1: Where'd you get orochimaru-sama's sock from? 2: Why does The fluffy thing smell so good? 3: What inspiration? What do you mean? If you want inspiration -gets cocky- look at me! I'm so cool!

**Dosu:** Well it's simple, I always carry around his socks in case I need to shut kin up. And the fluffy thing smells good because I just feed it some girl scouts. Lastly ...

**Zaku:** yes well? What is it Dosu-kun -snuggles and breathes in cookie smelling fluffy thing-

**Dosu:** -blushes- nothing You know how Kin is…

**Kin:** -gets up once more after almost choking to death o the sock and run toward Dosu in Slow motion to give him her kiss of death-

**Zaku:** -gets pissed off at Kin- Go lose some weight wench! Leave my Dosu-kun alone! I want to be with my koi!

-suddenly Orochimaru appeared in front of Dosu (he wanted to re-join the fun) and intercepts her kiss-

**Everyone:** OO... well that was interesting

In slow motion kin's fish lips touched Orochimaru's and...well the rest as they say was history…

**Kin:** eeewwwww! MY LIPS THEY BURN-unties her hair again and take out a box of bleach- AHHHHH MUST...CLEAN...MY...LIPS

**Zaku: **-looks at Dosu questionably with big tears- What's going on? Oro-sama said I was the only one he ever... oh well I don't like him any way... -snuggles Dosu even more-

**Kin:** -dumps the box of bleach onto her face- ahhhhh... that's better -but by pouring the bleach onto her face Kin turned her face white. When she lifted her face the bleach made her mascara run and se looked like a Orochimaru mini- version.- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-LOOKS at Zaku and Dosu- AAAAh -faints b-cause of chemicals - xx

**Dosu Zaku:** -burst into laughter including the authors-

**Zaku: **-good-guy pose- Ya my cuteness always works! Thanks Mr. Clean Bleach!

**Dosu:** You did not just do the good guy pose...

**Zaku:** -sheepish- g-gomen.

Suddenly Kabuto who was feeling lonely even with his clones so he came looking for Orochimaru

**Orochimaru:** Hey-snuggles Kabuto-

**Everyone:** Oo

**Orochimaru:** -gets annoyed- You cleaned your knees(2)! How could you!

**Kabuto:** -points to kin-aaawww a Oro-sama mini version.. OOOOOHHH OOOOHHHH orochimaru-sama can I have your mini me - smiles devilishly- I have some experiments I want to try.

**Orochimaru:** Yes I suppose but you have to ask Dosu-kun.

**Dosu:** What! 'That's' not mine-points to Zaku- This is- I mean... umm... ya That thing -points at Kin- is definitely not mine. -coffs and regains composure-

**Zaku:** -big innocent eyes-... Dosu-kun? What the h-e double hockey stix (3)are u talking 'bout?

**Orochimaru:** Zaku-kun , Can Kabuto-kun have that thing -points to Kin?

**Zaku:** ...

**Dosu:** (say yes Zaku. we'll finally get rid of the chipmunk)

**Zaku**: Yes take her away-huggles Dosu/again-

**Kabuto:** YEAH -does little dance then picks up the unconscious Kin- hehehe come my little buddy let's introduce you to Mr. Scalpel and Mrs. Flame thrower

**Zaku: **...-stops snuggling dosu/gasps/And stares blankly-

**Dosu:** What's wrong?

**Zaku:** -looks at dosu-What were we doing before all this happened?

**Dosu:** You expressed your undying love for me then kin got in the way.

meanwhile-

**Drugged Kin**: Hi Mr. Scalpel.. Ow you hurt me I'm telling Mrs. Flame thrower

**Zaku:** Oh, ya.

**Dosu:** ummm... Zaku ...

Ten Minutes pass

**Zaku:** -Looks all dramatic- Yes... Dosu-Soap opera music plays in background-

**Dosu:** Zaku ...I've always wanted to tell you...ummmm...I've always wanted to tell you that I... - Dosu stops as he hears foot steps in the distance. As the sound comes closer Kabuto appears with Kin.-

**Kabuto:** Here take her back she bit me in a very uncomfortable place Owwwwwww...

**Orochimaru:** Come Kabuto I'll make you fell better

**Zaku:** ... -runs to Kabuto- Are you ok! I'm on her team! I know how to get her venom out!

**Orochimaru:** Don't worry I'll take it out… hehehe

-they leave to Orochimaru's home-

**Zaku:** ...They didn't listen to me.-cries-

**Dosu:** .. Oh for gods sake! Get me some sake!

(A/N: y'no the alcohol)

**Kin:** Dosu are fate has brought us together once more

how should this end ...

**Dosu:** come Zaku we have to prepare for tomorrow

**Zaku:** -get excited- Ok!

**Kin Zaku: **What are we going to do tomorrow

**Dosu: **Same thing we do everyday...Pinky...I mean Kin...try to take over the world...-cough- I mean try to bump you off ..

**Zaku:** -cries in a little corner- Why doesn't anyone realize I'm alive!

**Chorus singers:**

_the Zaku the Zaku and the Dosu, Dosu, Dosu._ (the theme song from pinky and the brain plays in the back ground)

**Zaku:** Narf!... I mean snuggles Dosu

_Will Dosu ever confess his feelings? Will kin get an operation on her vocal cords? Will Zaku ever stop crying like a pussy? Find out on the next episode of_**The Diaries of a Sound Ninja**

**Author Notes:**

**1:That's not true their only 14 but I thought it would be better.**

**2: Inside joke… " You can tell the head nurse by her knees(if they're dirty that means she's "_busy'_**

**3:It means hell**

**Well please read and review!**


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